Chess Jokes

Oldies but goodies.......

I like to play chess with old men in the park, although it's hard to find 32 of them.



I was playing chess with my friend and he said, "Let's make this interesting."

So we stopped playing chess.





I have a good friend in Prague that plays chess with me.

He is my Czech mate.





A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog.

The man watched the game in astonishment for a while.

“I can hardly believe my eyes!” he said. “That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.”

“He’s not so smart,” the friend replied. “I’ve beaten him three games out of five.”





I've got a new job. It's shift work making chess sets.



I'm on knights next week.





The first time I played chess, I thought the castles moved diagonally.
Rookie mistake.

When the King started telling a bedtime story to all the chess pieces, he said, “Once a pawn a time...”

When Spassky was asked, whether he preferred Chess or Sex...Spassky replied, "It very much depends on the position". - :]

My joke is that every time you open a fresh board it goes chesssssssss.

This one time I was playing GothamChess and he was mating me but I remembered "Danger Levels!" so I said to him "Do you know what's worth more than a king? You! You're worth more than a king!" Then I pulled out a gun and he resigned.

Masters can see moves that amateurs can't see.
Sooo, can they see ghosts?

Q: How do you know when cows are playing chess?
A: They are making mooves.

My mates computer beat me at chess ....it was no match for me at kickboxing though!!

My own 2 cents joke.

Why did Sigmund Freud never play online?
Because he was afraid of mouse slips. He knew that takeback was impossible after a mouse slip..